Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Is That a Baby Bump I See?

It's true. My bump is growing. And before you start calling Guinness, there's no baby. Just fat. So as part of my revamped decade-old failed resolution to lose weight, I've decided to take pictures of it this year in order to meet my monthly benchmarks. See, I've noticed this growing (pardon the pun) trend of pregnant women taking pictures of their baby bump as it progresses and publishing the pictures for all to see. (I blame Demi Moore for starting the insanity.) Maybe it's because I've never been pregnant and always been fat that I just have an ewwww-reflex whenever I see a naked pregnant stomach, no matter if it's 9 weeks or 9 months. Seriously, what's up with the "here I am at 1 month, here I am at 2 months, here I am at 3 months, etc" thing or I've even seen pictures of someone on the way to the hospital captioned "this is as pregnant as I'll ever be".....um, gee, thanks for sharing, ga-ross. But I digress...

I figure if I take pictures of my own ewwww-reflex bump each month, I'll be able to (a) shock myself with a "look away, I'm hideous" reality check, and (b) see if I'm making progress with the whole lose weight/exercise/eat healthy combo-goal. Hopefully it'll be like a reverse pregnancy and at 9 months the bump will be gone instead of on the verge of exploding. Oh, and don't worry - they'll be posted on my refrigerator, not here. Although, you never know. If I end up with a 6-pack, I may just publish the pictures after all. Okay, so there's really no threat of that happening, but I'm reserving the right to change my mind.

By the way, has anyone discovered the proverbial "magic diet pill" yet? And if so, clue me in, because the idea of eating vegetables for an entire year is only making Jilly G and her merry band of vegetarians happy. Me - not so much.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Resolutions, Smesholutions

And now it's time for my favorite New Year's activity - the resolution ritual. Here's how it goes: I make vague resolutions, I break them all within the month, the year marches on, December comes and I look back in disgust because I accomplished nothing in the entire year. What was that? This sounds familiar, you say? See if yours sound a little like this:

1. Lose weight
2. Exercise
3. Eat healthy
4. Save money
5. Less TV, more books
6. Write more often

However, THIS year is going to be different because I have actually revamped these resolutions and turned them into measurable goals with attainable benchmarks, blahblahblah-teacher-jargon-flashback, although I promise not to bore you with the deets. Apparently the only one most people care about is #6 because I keep getting asked, "Why don't you write anymore?" I have no answer. Lazy? Bored? Insecure? Dunno. So I'm going to try to update this blog at least once a week in 2009. Of course I realize 52 entries might be a stretch for my creative juices, so I can only imagine that some of the topics will hit new levels of boring and maybe even brevity (bonus). Some of you may even cancel your subscriptions. It's okay. Really. You won't be missing a thing!

Soooo, here we go again... Happy New Year!

p.s. You may want to review the disclaimer.