Race Day: Remind Your Legs Who They Work For

The day of reckoning has arrived.....early. We got our wake-up call at 2:10, not that we needed it because, of course, no one slept that night. You know how when you’re afraid you won’t hear the alarm you wake up every 30 minutes thinking you’ll miss it? Yeah, it was one of those nights for everyone in our group. So we got on the bus to leave at 3am – no seriously, that was not a typo – AM, as in morning. I have pictorial proof.

During the 3-hour bus ride to Tianjin (Huang Yuan village), we alternately slept, ate, and checked our bags at least 200 times to make sure we hadn’t forgotten things like race numbers, timing chips, water, drugs (I’ve been living on Prednisone since I got here because of the pollution), camera, more water, etc. We had one restroom stop along the way (and by restroom, I mean hole in the ground – more on that later because my new-found obsession with Chinese toilets deserves its own page) and then met up with the other buses at the entry checkpoint. Yes, those darn communists do like to check up on things.

We finally got to the start point at 6am and were greeted by tons of locals performing for us and getting ready to cheer us on.

Of course Jilly G and I found a stage and began posing for pictures. As you’ll notice, I decided to break the runners’ code of not wearing that day’s race shirt during the actual race. Secret’s out – I ain’t cool.

We did an uphill 5K on a windy village road before even getting to the Wall. Occasionally while I was dawdling along taking pictures, I noticed there was traffic behind me instead of people because I was LAST, so then I had to run to get a little bit ahead so I could take more pictures and end up being last again. Totally worth it, though, because the villagers were lining the streets cheering us on, handing out flowers, high-5-ing us, and wanting our pictures. Apparently they don’t see foolish tourists running 26 miles (uphill in the snow both ways) every day, so this is like a yearly holiday parade for them. (And you know how I love being in parades!)

Since I’d already been on part of the Wall on Thursday, I thought I knew what I was in for. Except I forgot that I’d actually be even more tired after doing a 5K already. Now, for those of you who run marathons regularly, I will allow you to laugh at me. For those of you who normally just do 5Ks regularly and are thinking, “What’s the big deal – it’s only 3 more miles” you must take it back right now. Take it back - I mean it! You must never utter the words “only” and “Great Wall” in the same paragraph ever again. Steep, steep inclines, mostly all uneven steps, some giant steps where you had to grab the step above to pull yourself up, and even areas of no steps, just uneven rocks in a skinny trail next to a free-fall off the cliff. All the bleacher running I did at home to “prepare” makes me laugh in retrospect. Imagine doing a deep-knee bend in reverse (going up, that is) and then imagine doing it about 100 times. For hours on end. Yup, that’s how I should’ve prepared.

After coming down off the Wall we ran through Yin Yang square and then through the villages again. At this point I was mixed in with marathoners doing their second lap, so I pretended to be a cool runner. Didn’t actually work. However, I was just as cool as everyone else when I ran through the finish line and heard my name announced and then they put that shiny medal around my neck.

It was so incredible and I immediately wished I’d done the ½ marathon because I did not want it to end. Of course, I’d still be out there today if that were the case. I finished just 15 minutes ahead of a little old 85-yr-old lady in my group and next to last in my age group. Impressive, huh? At least I didn’t fall off the wall, which was actually my biggest concern. Some guy did fall during the first mile on the wall and broke two fingers. He went to the next first aid station and they taped him up and he finished the marathon. Now you know if that had been me, I would’ve whined so much and so often that the other runners would’ve demanded I be taken out on the camel stretcher (yup, that’s the “ambulance” if you get sick or injured) just to get some peace and quiet.

Afterward, I hung out waiting for Jilly G so we could get our official “after” shot, and plus there was a beer tent. She said it was the hardest marathon she’s ever done. Hmmm, ya think? I mean, it’s the stairwell that just won’t end and the full marathoners had to do it twice. I passed the winner (pic below) as he was going up for his second lap and I was coming down from my first (and thankfully only). What’s that definition of insanity again?

The words here barely describe what an incredible rush the whole experience was and I highly recommend everyone suffer through it, I mean experience it, at least once in a lifetime. (Click here to see ALL pictures.)

Altitude chart

(glad I didn't look at this beforehand)

Forbidden City

This should actually be called the “Forbidden to Leave City” because it goes on and on and on and on. For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to walk a 12k the day before the race…? The funniest part of the whole day was the Chinese tourists asking to take pictures with us. It reminded me of being followed by the paparazzi at home. (Oh wait - fantasy life, must learn to separate.)

For those of you (like me) who are rusty on Chinese history, the Forbidden City was the imperial palace during the Ming and Qing dynasties. It is north of Tiananmen Square, home of the Tiananmen Square Massacre of 1989. I couldn't tell you the details of most of my pictures, but they sure are purty, huh? (Click here to see ALL pictures.)

Practice Makes Perfect

Today was our dry-run of the Wall, so to speak. We got on the bus at 5am for a 3-hour drive to the village of Huangya Guan where the race starts. They call this "inspection day”, which I thought meant they were going to inspect us to see if we had the proper shoes, etc, but it really meant we had to walk the length of the wall that we’d be running on Saturday. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Why did I think this would be less painful 2 times in a row? Despite the pain, the views from the Wall are breathtaking. (Click here to see ALL pictures.)

Ni Hao from China

The 14 hour flight to Beijing was uneventful – I took 3 real books, a book on MP3, 4 magazines, 1 newspaper, cross-stitching, 2 DVDs, 2 laptops, and a journal in my carry-on and barely touched a thing. We landed in Beijing at 5am and the GWM tour guides met us and took us to the hotels.

Since Jilly G wasn’t getting in until later in the evening, I decided to play uber-tourist and went on a tour with some people I’d met at the airport. First we went to a pearl factory, which kinda reminded me of the pearl diver show at Sea World. Each of these freshwater oysters has about 20+ pearls inside, which explains why they’re so much cheaper than the 1-pearl-per-oyster salt water variety.

Next we went to lunch and then on to a silk factory. I’m glad we ate first before seeing these nasty little silkworms. It was cool to see how they stretch the silk and then layer it to become a comforter, but the worms themselves were a little on the "ewww" side. (Which would not be the first time I utter that phrase in China, I'm learning.)

Then we went to see the Olympic Village and the Bird’s Nest, which isn’t finished so we just got to walk around the perimeter. My pictures aren’t great because it was so hazy (the pollution in Beijing makes LA smog look like a spring day in the Swiss Alps – more on that later), but it was amazing to see.

Last, we went to a tea tasting, which is kinda like a wine tasting but without the hangover. I'm standing next to a tower o' tea in this picture.

All in all, Day One was amazing and I can’t believe I’m here! (Click here to see ALL pictures.)

Under Pressure

I knew it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this up. It’s not that I mind babbling when I really have nothing to say (ask any of my 2000 former students), it’s just that the pressure to be funny all the time is overwhelming. Plus, the barrage of “has _____ made your blog yet?” questions. It’s just too much. Ya know, Billy Joel sang to me once (me, personally, that is), “you cannot handle pressure” and he was correct. And then Queen and David Bowie chimed in with something about the "pressure pushing down on me" and they, too, were correct. Oh wait, did that really happen or was it just in my head? Details. Anyway, enough with the Drama Queen excuses.

I visited my BFF, Carrie-In-The-City, last week in CT/NY. Usually I love The City and all things associated with it, but it was cold and rainy most of the time, and you know how I’m obsessed with weather. Cold/Rainy=Uber-Whininess. There were some fun times had by all, but I’m too lazy to address them now. Just know that the following will be summarized with pictures and accompanying stories at some future undisclosed date:

• Museum of Natural History
• Bar hopping with the oldies upstate
• Bar hopping with the kiddies in The City
• Flight delays – stuck in Salt Lake City

I finally saw Wicked last weekend. I can’t believe it’s taken this long since I love all things Wizard of Oz. Totally worth the wait - it was FAB.U.LOUS!!!!! I mean, Glinda the Good Witch is a cross between my two favorite characters of all time, Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) and Cher Horowitz (Clueless) – how great is that? I would have to say it has skyrocketed to the top of my Broadway Favs list (previous top spot occupied by Miss Saigon). Run out and get tickets, my pretty!

Latest celebrity sighting: Dennis Miller at the Santa Barbara Bowl. Stay tuned for the Celeb Stalking Point System about to be instituted. (Carrie-ITC's genius brainstorm) Sure to be a family classic enjoyed by both young and old!

Drive on. We'll sweep up the blood later!***

In trying to keep up with my celebutante pals in Hollywood, I’ve been driving illegally in California for a few years now. While I haven’t totally embraced their criminal ways since I do have an old Florida DL, I have been driving without a CA DL or CA tags for much longer than the law allows. I always had an excuse: I need a haircut, I need to lose weight, I need to study for the test, I don’t want to get rid of my Florida Gators tag, and my personal favorite, I’ll just drive carefully and won’t get pulled over. Now anyone who has ever set foot in a car with me knows what a stretch that is. Fortunately, my luck has held out. Although deep down inside I know that obeying the law should have been my motivation all along, the real motivator was my name change. I decided that after being divorced for 15 years, and now remarried, I should maybe get around to changing my names on all my documents so they all match. Besides, I hear they insist upon that when traveling and I’m thinking China isn’t a very lenient country. Bottom line.....as of today I am finally legal to drive in my home state! ’Bout time, huh? No one can ever accuse me of rushing into something.

And – bonus – I only missed 2 questions on the test. How am I supposed to know which type of roadway is most likely to hide spots of ice on freezing, wet days? Ice? On a roadway? What’s that all about?

***A Katharine Hepburn quote. (Maybe Brit should take a page from Kate’s book.)

Rock On!

You know how I love stalking my celebrities. Well, we went to a Jackie Greene concert Sunday night and I got pictures AND autographs. Oh, and the concert was great too. The Husband is a musician so he drags me to all kinds of concerts (and I do mean “drags” sometimes) and every once in a while he picks a winner. This one was in a small venue and we got to stand about 10 feet away from the stage and then got to meet Jackie afterward and it was a wonderful celeb-stalking experience! Hopefully he’ll get more famous and it’ll be like saying “oh yeah, I met Mick Jagger once.”

PSA

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this Public Service Announcement:

I gave blood the other day, which, in itself, is not news because I give blood pretty regularly. I’m O-negative, the Universal Donor, so everybody wants me. I’m the one in the ER, the trauma units, the ambulances, etc. Now, I brag about this as if I chose to be O-negative, but let me be clear – I did not choose this lifestyle; I was born this way. While I was at the bloodmobile, I learned that blood donations in California are lower than any other state in the US! They even suggested that I make some O-negative friends (since O-negs can only receive from other O-negs and we’re only 6% of the population) and they actually have social events for their donors to get to know each other. Fortunately, the Husband is O-neg (after all, we do live on the Left Coast where same-blood-type marriage is accepted), but unfortunately due to his frolicking with mad cows in Europe in the '80s, he's an unacceptable donor. However, I started thinking that I probably have some O-neg friends who don’t act O-neg, so I can’t really tell. So I think it’s time for all of us to come out of the closet – loud and proud. No more of this “don’t ask, don’t tell” mentality. It’s time for change, America! Get out there and donate!

Seriously, contact the Red Cross to find a local blood drive and go stick out your arm. Oh, and by the way, if you’re O-neg, let me know. I like candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, and surviving a medical emergency.

Whale-(nappy-headed)-Ho!

We went whale-watching Saturday, which actually should’ve been called dolphin-watching since we didn’t see any whales. Last year I went twice and saw several on one trip, and none on another, so I’m getting used to their agoraphobia. It’s kinda like stalking George Clooney or Johnny Depp (not that I would EVER do something like that, nope, not me) – you hardly ever see them out, but when you do it’s a beautiful thing. Now dolphins, on the other hand, are kinda like the Paris-Lindsey-Britney club (except WAY smarter) – always the center of attention. They play with the boat and jump around and do tricks just like at Sea World. It makes me think that Sea World trainers don’t really have such a hard job after all. Plus, real whales make Shamu look like a wimpy little girly-man whale. (Note the Shamu vs. Real Whale plagiarized picture - see what I mean - it's no contest!)

Looks like I’ll have to wait until next year/season to continue my quest for the perfect whale sighting. Just call me Ishmael.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

As I was whining about the frigid winter here in California, my friend from one of the Dakotas mentioned that they had 8 inches of snow Sunday night. Now I feel like an ingrate. Of course that won’t stop me from complaining about the weather because I’m convinced I have that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. I read it on WebMD so that practically makes me a doctor. Plus, I just love to obsess about weather, which practically makes me a grouchy old man from Boca Raton.

In addition to hating all things cold, I have a very limited snow background. The first time I ever saw it I was confused because it came wafting down as little floaty things and I thought snow came down in balls like on the cartoons. Seriously – I had no idea. I’m embarrassed to say I was in my 30s when I made this discovery. A few years later I saw it on the ground for the first time and it was so beautiful that I promptly went running through the snow mounds in my jeans and sneakers. About 2.5 seconds later I couldn’t figure out why I was soaking wet and freezing cold. Snow…ice…water.....ohhhhh, now I get it.

So I decided it was time to conquer my snow-ignorance and went to Lake Tahoe back in February for a long weekend. I even broke down and bought waterproof clothes this time. However, within minutes of arriving I stuck my hand in the snow without gloves to make a snowball. Ya know that feeling when you’re at a picnic and reach for a canned drink in a giant garbage can or tub filled with ice? And I didn’t even get a nice cold beer for my pain – only the “I told you so” background music. My next discovery was that I couldn’t walk. I would either sink in and tip over, or slide on ice patches and end up on my butt and then slide some more. I should’ve been getting paid as the live entertainment because I had quite an audience by the end of the day. However, my greatest discovery was that making a snowman is hard work! And, it’s not like corncob pipes and button noses are plentiful, so none of mine looked like Frosty.

For my Dakota friend (who’s actually looking forward to going to Denver next week because it’s supposed to be “warmer”), I just want you to know I re-experienced my snow adventure so I could feel your pain. And I promise not to complain about California weather for at least another 8 months.

Discovery #1 - Gloves are good

Discovery #2 - Can't walk

Snowman #1

Snowman #2

Snowman #3 (Notice how they're getting smaller and smaller)

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

Thank goodness March is over! I HATE COLD WEATHER!!!!! And despite what everyone thinks, California is COLD January through March. Usually on the weekends when you want to do something, of course. We have sporadic beautiful-ness during the work week.

By the way, did you know that the lion/lamb phrase has to do with constellations as well as the harsh/mild weather metaphor? Something about Leo the Lion and Aries the Ram and when they’re visible during the month. Who knew? Oh wait - who cares?

Highlights of the month:

• Saw my first and last opera – L'Elisir d'Amore. Let’s just say needles-eyeballs-poking action and leave it at that.
• Experienced a No Country for Old Men-esque roadtrip as we drove out to Death Valley one weekend. Stopped at a ghost town along the way and discovered that Charles Manson buried some bodies nearby. Did not investigate further. Did not run into Javier Bardem.
• Saw Academy of St. Martin-in-the-Fields and Sir Neville Marriner came out of retirement to conduct, which was an unexpected surprise. They were fab-u-lous, as always. (In my fantasy-in-my-head life, I’m a musician in a symphony; sometimes I’m even the conductor.)
• Saw Sweeney Todd (the play), but still haven’t seen the movie. I hope Johnny isn’t mad at me for cheating on him with live theater.
• Relived my color guard director days and dragged my husband to the WGI West Power Regional Finals. Now, talk about wanting to insert a needle…..poor guy. I loved it and even had an “I miss teaching high school” moment. It passed, thankfully.
• Ignored March Madness for the first time ever. I’m hoping for UCLA to take it all since the Gators snatched the title from them the past two years in a row, but I won’t watch until the last minute. Just. Don’t. Care. However, I do care about the tournament of losers this year because UF might end up playing Ohio State, and you know how that tends to end up. Fingers crossed.

So out with the beasts and in with the fools. Happy April, thank goodness.

Just Call Me Pheidippides

I have a tendency to not believe things I hear. A typical response when someone tells me some random fact is “Nu-uh”. Perhaps it’s a hangover from teaching teenagers for so many years or perhaps it’s my egomaniacal illusion that I know everything already. So when The Husband told me the history of the marathon, before I could even get the “N...” sound out of my mouth he blurts out “Look it up!” So I did. (I love Google.)

“The marathon race commemorates the run of the soldier Pheidippides from a battlefield near Marathon, Greece, to Athens in 490 B.C., bringing news of a Greek victory over the Persians. Pheidippides collapsed and died at the end of his historic run, thereby setting a precedent for dramatic conclusions to the marathon.”

I went on to learn that the original trek was only 25 miles (not the current 26.2) and some other boring stuff, while trying to ignore the background cacophony of “I told you so!” (Damn Google.)

Why, oh why, do I care, you ask? Because I’m going to China in May to run on the Great Wall of China!!! One of my BFFs, who is an uber-athlete and breezes through triathlons and marathons as easily as crossing the street, is running the marathon and has coerced me into doing the 10K. Good news/bad news: I’ll probably drop dead during it.....but what a fabulous story it’ll make for my funeral!

Check out this death march:

Disclaimer

Let me start off this blog by saying, I’ve never had an original thought. Ever. I’m a perpetual “me too” –er. Seriously, D starts her own business, I start my own business; Jilly G moves to California, I move to California; The King goes back to school, I go back to school; Carrie writes a Christmas letter, I write a Christmas letter…..peer-pressure much? And, yes Mom, if my friends decided to jump off a bridge, I’d be right there with them. So, since Jilly G has started a blog about her latest travel adventures, I must respond with a resounding “me too!!!”

Secondly, I never follow through. With anything. My life is a compilation of unfinished projects. Scrapbooks, journals, cross-stitching, crafts, relationships, marriages, school – all fall into the “it was fun for a while, but I got bored” category. I’d like to think it’s because I’m so above it all (riiiiiight) that I get bored easily, but in reality it’s just because I’m lazy and have the attention span of a gnat. (Although if you think about it, gnats have a pretty long attention span because they keep hovering around forever until you kill them, but I digress.) So I’m predicting this blog won’t last an entire year. You should get in on the pool now to predict when it ends.

Next, let me assure you that I will most likely offend some of you. You know my philosophy on that...if you don’t like it, change the channel. Not to worry, I won’t be waxing poetic on politics. Just. Don’t. Care. I will probably also plagiarize, exaggerate, and break all kinds of copyright laws. However, suing me for all I’m worth might get you a few crates of scrapbooking supplies. (Secret’s out – I ain’t rich.) However, to enable us all to maintain some sense of dignity, I’ll be using stage names for my fellow cast members.

Bored yet? Why yes, yes I am.