Madam Foreperson, has the jury reached a verdict?

Yay, Jury Duty! I know most people say, "Ugh, Jury Duty", but not me. At least not me last week. I was super happy about it on so many levels, the first of which being that I didn't have to go to work. The next, and most obvious reason is because I watch a LOT of Law and Order, so I know exactly how the court system works. It's practically the same as going to law school. In fact, I was really looking forward to bursting out with an "I object" or "Sidebar, Your Honor".....yeahhhhh, but it doesn't work like that. In fact, now I know why "Ugh, Jury Duty" is the more common thought process.

First of all, it might have been the L-O-N-G-E-S-T day EVER. I know, I know, everyone warned me. But the thing is, I couldn't wait to be able to sit around with nothing to do. I'd read a little, catch up on some writing, play mindless games on my phone. It sounded glorious. In theory. In reality, I got there at 7:30, which is exactly 2 hours before I start my normal work day, so after an hour, my body clock was saying, "okay, time for your standup meeting, which is super boring, but at least you get to chit-chat with people" and the real clock in the room was saying, "settle down, it's barely 8:30 and we haven't even started calling names yet." Then, at 9, they gave us a 45 minute break! And we hadn't done anything yet! Sometimes, in these types of situations, the voice in my head (relax, it's just mine) starts to chant things that I really want to come true at that moment. For example, when someone boring is talking to me at work, I chant "pleasestoptalkingpleasestoptalkingpleasestoptalking" in my head and even though it doesn't work, it makes me less likely to commit a crime. Obviously, my chants of "pleasefortheloveofallthingsholycanwegetthisshowontheroad" were not working. By the time they let us break for lunch at 11:30, I thought we had been there for a week already. And speaking of lunch, an hour and 45 minutes? Good grief, who needs that long to eat in the middle of the day? I was pretty sure I'd leave that building and find out that 2018 started without me.

Finally, around 2ish, just as they were about to let us go and just as I was starting to plan my free afternoon, they called one last list of names. And guess what? The show finally got on the road. A very slooooowwwww, long, and boring road. And then, just like that, after a mere two hours of questioning, I officially became Juror #8.

The first thing the judge said to us when we herded into the courtroom was that this experience would not be like Law and Order. I really thought "I object" would spontaneously blurt out of my mouth at that very moment. He went on to say that if anyone did half of what my dear Benson and Stabler crew did, they'd actually be on the other side of the court experience. Lalalalala I'm not listening to you, blasphemer! Just you wait and see.....this is going to be an adventure worthy of Dick Wolf. Stay tuned!

Color Me Dirty

If you're not familiar with Color Runs, you need to find one in your city and sign up RIGHT NOW. It's so much fun and such a great excuse to get filthy dirty with wild abandon, plus you usually get a medal, which is my #1 motivation when it comes to exercise. Here's how it works...

It's basically a 5K race, but there are stops along the route with color stations where they throw out colored chalk and we become engulfed in a blizzard of neon. Word of warning: Stop laughing and close your mouth! I say this every year, but still manage to enjoy a few swallows of tasty dust and end up with pink and green teeth.

 

The first one we did was at night, so in between the color stations they had black-light stations so we could dance around like teenagers at a rave. We totally fit right in with all the cool kids. 



The past couple of years we've done the ones during the day and instead of having black-light rave stations, they have a giant mosh pit at the end. And because we never get dirty enough on the course, we always dance around in the pit for another hour or so. With unicorns, of course. Not only do they continue to bombard us with enough chalk to supply a 1980s school district, but they throw out individual packets so we can dump it on ourselves. And we do - by the bucket-load. Remember what it was like to be a kid and totally romp around in the mud or sand and get filthy dirty for no reason? That's exactly what this feels like.

But, wait, how do you get home without getting all that mess in your car? Ya know, it's not like we can just hop on our bikes and pedal home...we have fancy sports cars and mini-vans that we pedal home nowadays. Simple - you get a blow-job (and no, I did not make up that description or even think of it by myself, but it's so perfect that I'm stealing it). There are people with leaf blowers to blow you clean, which is actually quite hilarious because it really works.

I definitely recommend stripping down the minute you get home and walking straight into the shower. This is one of those times when that wash-rinse-repeat thing needs to be repeated several thousand times. Then, bundle up your clothes and wash them immediately - it really does all wash out, believe it or not. However, even with all that, you may find color in the oddest places for the next few days. Do not be alarmed.

Hack My Life

Remember when Life Hacks first became a thing and some of them were kinda cool? For example, using binder clips to hold together loose cords - that makes sense and I do it all the time and it's quite helpful. I use binder clips for almost everything, including hair barrettes in a pinch, so I am a bit biased. Also, I totally get this sock/toe trick. Back in the day when I wore pantyhose to work, if I got a run in the middle of the day, I would use a marker to paint my leg so it would blend in. (Because, no, ladies did not go pantyhose-less back in the day - why yes, I am old.)

However, the more hacks/tips/tricks I see these days, the more I wonder how some people function on a daily basis. No, that is not to say that I am above pulling some pretty dumb stunts (e.g., painting carpet - a story for another day) and thinking they were great ideas at the time, but I draw the line at suggesting these ideas to anyone else. Or even admitting to most of them. But seriously, most of the "advice" I discover lately does not fall under the category of "brilliant new tips that will make your life SO much easier" as much as it does "common sense for anyone not born yesterday".

For example, tie a bright ribbon on your suitcase so you can quickly identify it on the baggage carousel. Yup. Or, paint your keys with nail polish (or markers, etc.) to tell them apart. Um, duh.

 

Up until today I would have said that this next one is my favorite "tip" of all time:

When showering, you have to actually wash your feet because the excess soap that runs down your body won't get them clean.

I kid you not, someone actually had to put this concept into words. It still makes me laugh every morning when I'm showering and washing my tootsies and thinking, whew, I'm glad someone told me to do this! Who knew?!

However, today I discovered the BEST. MOST RIDICULOUS. HACK. EVER. and I'm not sure anything will ever top it. I have no words, so I'll let the picture speak for itself.

Why?! Just, why?!

Foodie Friday: Halloween Fingers

With the holidays upon us, I feel compelled to share a Halloween cooking story of yore. Martha Stewart-inspired, of course.

One October night, Carrie ITC and I were either watching a Martha Stewart show or reading her magazine or surfing the interwebs or something and came across this:



Naturally, we decided that we needed to make it AT THAT VERY MOMENT. We studied the recipe and discovered that Martha wanted us to make the sugar cookies from scratch, like go out and harvest the sugar cane at the Bay of Bengal (look it up; it's a thing), whip, puree, sift, roll - all those cooking things. Ain't nobody got time for that! We decided to sub in the pre-made Pillsbury sugar cookie dough, which may or may not have been a perfectly logical substitution. You be the judge:

Since I'm older and wiser now, I'm going to attempt something a little easier this time, while still keeping with the fingers theme. Thank you, Annabel Karmel at Parenting magazine for providing us with a Martha Stewart for Dummies version.

Dead Man's Finger Sandwiches

• Thin sliced white bread, crusts removed
• Peanut butter
• Almonds
• Strawberry Jam

1. Gently flatten the slices of bread with a rolling pin to make them more pliable.
2. Spread with a little peanut butter.
3. Roll up the sandwiches and make three indentations with a blunt knife to form the finger joints.
4. Trim the ends of the fingers into a 'V' shape and stick an almond on to each tip (with a little peanut butter as "glue") to form the nails.
5. Add a blob of strawberry jam over the end of the finger for the blood.

Voilà! Finger-lickin' good PB&Js!

One of the commenters on the Parenting site suggested using thin wafer chicken and cranberry jelly, which sounds good, too. Actually, you could probably roll up lots of different things inside (chopped up hot dogs?) and add a blob of red anything (ketchup?) and get the same effect. But hurry! There's a short window on bloody finger food - no one wants to see this on the Thanksgiving table!

Pro-cras-tin-aaayyy-ay-tion.....Is Makin' Me Late

Since it's my first week back at work, I don't want to break away from my finely-honed habits right away. Today I will be playing the role of The Panicker, The Sidetracker, and obviously The Social Sharer. I'm pretty sure I'll be The Perpetuator in another couple of hours. That is all.

Foodie Friday: The Best Broccoli of Your Life

I haven't always been a fan of green. As in vegetables. However, as I get older and fatter, I've been strongly encouraged mandated to check my 'tude about a healthy lifestyle. You know those doctors - they go to school for a million years, learn all about health stuff, and think they can tell you what to do. Now I eat veggies for dinner several times a week, which gets a little humdrum. After all, I'm new at this and there's only so much I know how to do. So of course a recipe named "The Best Broccoli of Your Life" excited me.....as much as I can get excited about broccoli, that is. Thank you, Amateur Gourmet and Barefoot Contessa.

4-5 lbs of broccoli, cut into large florets (Note: Dry them thoroughly!)
6 1/2 T Olive oil
1 1/2 t Kosher salt
1/2 t Fresh ground pepper
4 Garlic cloves (peeled and sliced)
1 Lemon
3 T Toasted pine nuts (optional)
1/3 c Freshly grated Parmesan cheese
2 T Julienned fresh basil (optional)

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Place the broccoli on a cookie sheet. Toss with 5 T olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic cloves. Roast in the oven 20 to 25 minutes, until “crisp-tender and the tips of some of the florets are browned.” When it’s done, take it out of the oven and zest a lemon over it; then squeeze the lemon juice on top. Add 1 1/2 T more olive oil, pine nuts, Parmesan cheese, and basil. Eat your veggies, kids!

Words on Wednesday

Heighth is not a word.

That was going to be the basis of today's WoW lesson and I was prepared to rant on and on about how it absolutely drives me crazy to hear people say, "the heighth of the building" when they should be saying, "the height of the building". However, in my compulsive need to research everything, lo and behold, guess what I found out? You guessed it - I was wr...wrrr...wrrrrr...wrong.  

Heighth is a colloquial variant of height, even though no dictionaries list it as a living word. According to my source, its use is a common peeve among people who consider themselves careful users of English the Grammar Police. Ya think? I have to tell you, it grates on my last nerve, especially when I hear newscasters and sports commentators using it. But then I found this... 

• From JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye: "I can usually get them on account of my heighth." 
• From Charles Dickens' Great Expectations: “Pip, I wish you ever well and ever prospering to a greater and a greater heighth.” 
• From John Milton's Paradise Lost: "This essence to incarnate and imbrute that to the highth of Deity aspired." 

Seriously?! Okay, so they get a pass because they're old and it really was a word up until about the 19th century. However, we are now in the 21st century and it's time to evolve! If I hear heighth, I'd better hear thou and doth right along with it; ya know, just so there's no mixed-century-colloquialism going on. As for me, I'm going to stand by my crazy and cringe, but I'll change my proclamation:

Heighth is not a word you should use as standard English.

The DMB Cult

Remember how I was a Deadhead for Andre Agassi? Well, The Husband is like that with the Dave Matthews Band. So we go to a lot of DMB concerts. A lot. Sometimes several nights in a row. Yeahhhh, I don't get the multiple-night thing. It's a bit much for me, so he goes with other cult members sometimes. He thinks that someday he's going to convince me into camping at this place called the Gorge Amphitheatre somewhere near the Columbia River in Washington out in the middle of nowhere for a multi-night thing. I think it's sweet that he has such faith in something that WILL. NEVER. HAPPEN.

This was a cult weekend so The Husband went to the concert in San Diego Friday night and then we went to Irvine together with our DMB-virgin friend on Saturday. Then, just because occasionally I am a good wife, we had a DMB night at home. That's actually my favorite because we spread out the DMB blanket on the living room floor, wear DMB t-shirts, have a picnic basket dinner with snacks and wine, and then watch hours of DMB videos. Now, I say this is my favorite even though I hate watching music videos, but Dave is sexy so I suffer through it. Plus, I'm in my living room. With wine. Here's a little taste of the cult leader...you be the judge:

Karma May Be A B****, But Football Karma Is Much Worse

Remember this? I should know better! Shame, shame on me. See, my whole football mantra is to cheer on SEC teams first, Florida teams next, and most importantly, cheer FOR someone, not AGAINST someone else. I've always found the Gator Haters to be so silly and they're usually people who have never even attended the college they rabidly cheer on, which seems kinda weird to me. We are a proud nation, though, and that probably annoys people. It's true, we Gators love any and all things UF, win or lose. We weren't that great back in my day (the late 70s/early 80s), but we were still loud and proud, sticking together in all kinds of weather. But I digress. The bottom line is, I broke the rules and cheered against an SEC team just out of pettiness, and now look - the Gators lost to an unranked Miami team. Are you kidding me?!
The only bright side is that it wasn't an SEC team, so if we can use the bye week to shape up, I have no doubt that we'll be on our way to a winning season and maybe near the top of the SEC. And if not, hey - been there, done that. It's still GREAT...TO BE...A FLORIDA GATOR!

Foodie Friday: Bacon Explosion

This pretty much sums up how I feel about today's recipe...

 

...and I'm not even ashamed to admit that I am one-with-dogs in regard to bacon. I actually posted a link to this recipe many moons ago, when I first discovered it at (I think) Computer Colonics when she discovered it from BBQ Addicts. Regardless of its origins, I'll happily repeat myself in claiming that this creation transcends all bacon love. Here goes...

Bacon Explosion

2 pounds thick cut bacon
2 pounds Italian sausage
1 jar of barbeque sauce
1 jar of barbeque seasoning

First, create a 5×5 bacon weave. Make sure the bacon weave is tight and square, and then add some barbecue seasoning on top. Next, take two pounds of Italian sausage and layer it directly on top of the weave. Be sure to press the sausage to the outer edges of the bacon creating a patty that is the same thickness all the way across. Fry the remaining bacon slices, crumble or chop into bite size pieces, and place on top of the sausage layer. Drizzle barbeque sauce all over the top of the bacon pieces and then sprinkle with more barbeque seasoning.

Here's the hard part: Very carefully separate the front edge of the sausage layer from the bacon weave and begin rolling backwards. Roll all layers EXCEPT the bacon weave and keep the sausage as tight as possible. Once the sausage is fully rolled up, pinch together the seams and ends to seal in all of the bacon deliciousness. It should look like this:

Kinda hard, but a little easier: Roll the sausage forward, completely wrapping it in the bacon weave. Make sure the seam is on the bottom so everything stays sealed inside. Now it should look like this:

Sprinkle more barbeque seasoning on the outside and then put it in the smoker. I have no idea what a smoker is, so you're on your own here. Cook at 225 degrees in a constant cloud of hickory smoke until it gets to an internal temp of 165 degrees. Supposedly this will take 1 hour for each inch of thickness, but it depends on that smoker thingee and the fire and how often you peek. Again, no clue. Just use a meat thermometer and you'll be fine, I'm sure (says the person who doesn't cook). After it's fully cooked, add more barbeque sauce for a glaze by using a basting brush to coat the entire surface. Slice and serve!

Since I "borrowed" this recipe from BBQ Addicts, of course I'm going to plug their sauces and seasonings. Oh, and btw, you can buy one fully cooked, so you just have to heat 'n eat (my favorite kind of food), plus they have different versions with jalapeños and cheese. Now my big question is, do I pre-call 911 or skip the wait and just eat it in the ER waiting room?

Words on Wednesday

I have no lesson plan for today's WoW edition, but I do have a funny to share. Apparently I have a Grammar Po-Po rep, so people tend to share these things with me. Not sure if that's a good thing, but it makes me smile.

Who, me?!

10-S NE1?

Yesterday I was flipping channels (looking for football, of course) and stopped on the U.S. Open Capriati/Henin-Hardenne match. Yes, as in Jennifer, the 14-year old tennis phenom of the early 90s. My immediate reaction was.....Ummm, Capriati is still playing tennis? Isn't she almost 40 or something (which is 80 in tennis years)? She still looks like she's 20-something. Didn't she retire? And she's ranked #6? Have I been out of the tennis loop for that long? I'm so confused! But alas, I hadn't entered a time-machine; it was just a rain-delay filler. Darn! However, it must've rained all day because I ended up watching lots of my old pals. 

See, I used to be a tennis groupie, kinda like a Deadhead. I would travel around to different cities to watch my tennis boyfriend, Andre Agassi, and some of my other secondary boyfriends, Stefan Edberg, Aaron Krickstein, and so many others. I have thousands of tennis-related pictures and hundreds of hours of Andre's matches on VHS tapes. My students used to give me Andre posters and calendars for Christmas presents and one year they even started a "We hate Brooke Shields" fan club. Ya know, since he married her instead of me. I was very happy when he married Steffi, though, because she was my tennis girlfriend. I may have some stalker issues. Not sure, but maybe.

Merry Football Season!

The first weekend of college football season is basically like Christmas for me. Of course the Gators won, because we always play St. Mary's Nun's College for our opening game. It gives us the warm fuzzy rah-rah we need before embarking on our #1 SOS season each year. (BTW, Alabama is #40 and FSU is #64. Wimps.) In other football news, Johnny Football kinda bugs me. I haven't totally decided because I remember that I was very well-behaved when I was his age. So well-behaved, or the exact opposite, that I thank God every day that social media hadn't been invented to document my every move back then; on the other hand, I wasn't getting a free ride to college. And then the biggest football news of the week.....Clemson over Georgia. Let me start by saying that I've held a grudge against Georgia since the Herschel Walker days. I know it's bad karma and I could single-handedly cause them to beat us this year just by saying this, but I'm so glad Georgia lost! Shame on me, I know.

Lifetime Motivation

Sometimes inspiration comes from the weirdest places. In this case, I was watching Julie & Julia on Lifetime and was inspired to write. Long-story-short, it's about this wanna-be writer who never finishes anything she starts (sound familiar?) and then decides to cook 524 recipes in 365 days and blog about it every day. And I thought, hey - I wonder if I could write about something (anything?) for 365 days? What, you thought I was going to cook?

So instead of boring you with a long diatribe about how I've hit rock bottom in my life and now I'm going to turn it around, I'm just going to dive right in. I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, but I need a goal and structure and accountability and...and...and... Like I said, I've hit rock bottom, so I pretty much need a lot of something. As I sit here on the couch watching my third Lifetime movie of the day.

Forewarning: I won't be entertaining every day, maybe just some days. Admittedly, I'm going for quantity over quality for now. Baby steps, right?

Foodie Friday: Strawberry Honey Butter

Today's recipe is not so much about product placement as it is about me trying to experiment with my new favorite honey. And by honey, I mean the food product, not a new boy-toy. Sheesh, people - c'mon!

Fortunately, due to the miracle of crack Pinterest, I found this delightful little tidbit from Half Baked and it is definitely the bees knees! Yeah, I just wanted to work "bees knees" into a conversation.

Strawberry Honey Butter 

1 pint strawberries, hulled
3 T honey (I suggest using Bertossa Honey Farm honey)
2 t fresh lemon juice, or to taste
1 1/2 sticks (3/4 c) unsalted butter, softened

In a food processor, purée the strawberries and force the purée through a fine sieve into a saucepan. Add the honey and the lemon juice and boil the mixture, stirring for 3 minutes or until it is thickened. Let the strawberry mixture cool to room temperature. In a bowl cream together the butter and the strawberry mixture. Let the butter stand, covered, in a cool place for 1 hour to allow the flavors to develop.

Wouldn't this be a cute Christmas, Valentine's Day, or 4th of July hostess gift? For those of you who do that sort of thing, that is, and don't just stop at BevMo for a bottle of wine on the way to the party.

Foodie Friday: Knock You Naked Margarita

Technically limes are food and since margaritas include limes, they must be food, right? I'm trying to dust off my deeply submerged algebra brain cells and come up with some transitive theory thingee to prove my point. You know that "if a=b and b=c, then a=c" theory? So just plug in the following variables...a=food, b=limes, c=margarita...and voila! I stand corrected, Mr. Junior High Math Teacher; I did use algebra again! But we're not here to talk about math - we're here for a margarita recipe. Although, if I had to do math on a regular basis, I would drink a lot more margaritas. I bet there's a formula for that, too. However, here's the kind of math I like...

And before you start in with the ewwwwws, I must tell you that this recipe has been tried and true manymanymanymany times in my household and I can guarantee you that it is quite possibly the best.thing.ever. I know it seems weird to mix beer and tequila, especially when they've had a shot/chaser relationship all these years, but joining them together in a civil union is pure magic. BTW, I first discovered this magic from the Sweet Potato Queens and if you haven't discovered their fabulousness, you need to stop reading now and click on over there. I'll give you a few minutes...

...Back? Okay, now on to the "recipe", which is pretty much just remembering 4 ingredients: frozen limeade, tequila, 7-Up, Corona. Use equal parts of each, mix together in a big pitcher and pour over ice. Or stick a straw into the pitcher, if you prefer. Oh, and please heed these words of warning: 1) This is an "on the rocks" drink, not a "frozen" drink. For most people this might go without saying, what with the carbonated beverage and all, but don't put this in the blender. I went ahead and tested it for you and you're welcome. 2) There's a reason it's called "Knock You Naked" so beware of its tasty goodness and the overwhelming mind-trick that you're just drinking a soda. Drink responsibly and stay clothed!

Thanks Mr. Postman

Remember letter-writing? On stationery? Okay, not the point of this, but I just had to reminisce for a brief moment. So, the other day I was reading an article by Mental Floss (my favorite magazine in the whole wide world) called 11 Amazing Thank You Notes From Famous People. You really need to check it out. There's one from Neil Armstrong to the NASA team who designed his spacesuit, another one from Audrey Hepburn to Henry Mancini, another one from Liz Taylor to Andy Warhol, and lots of others just to some commoners.

My favorite was this uber-touching one from Ronald Reagan to the American people. Politics aside, I really liked Ronnie. He always seemed like someone I would want to meet no matter what side of the political fence I rode. I ached for his family when he was suffering from Alzheimer's Disease (an up-close and personal issue for me) and bawled while watching his funeral. And then I re-cried while reading this letter, which is not like me at all. I don't do sad. However, I'm going to make an exception so that I can share this beautiful letter that I so blatantly plagiarized from the Mental Floss blog. Grab a tissue.

My fellow Americans, 

I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease. Upon learning this news, Nancy and I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way. In the past, Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result many more people underwent testing. They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives. So now we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts, we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clear understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it. 

At the moment, I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life’s journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters. 

Unfortunately, as Alzheimer’s disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes, I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage. 

In closing, let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your president. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that may be, I will leave the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future. 

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead. 

Thank you, my friends. May God always bless you. 
Sincerely, 
Ronald Reagan

Foodie Friday: Toffee Crack

You know how I'm a big scrapbooker nerd, right? Well, to add to the nerdiness, we have a group at church that meets every other week and we're called the Christian Croppers - awesomely nerdy name, right? Every few months we have All Day Crops, which, if you belong to the Scrapbooking Cult, you know what that is and if you don't, well, it's pretty self-explanatory. The one in February is always the "Chocoholic Crop", which means everyone brings a chocolate snack to share and for 15ish hours we binge on sugary, chocolatey goodness and painstakingly create cute scrapbooks that our kids will promptly toss upon our deaths. Or, in my case, spend the whole day binging on chocolate, talking, organizing pictures/stickers/papers, etc., looking at other people's scrapbooks, and maybe finishing one page. But I digress...back to the chocolate portion of the program. One year I brought my chocolate fountain, but neglected to read the directions.....

It may have been the suggestion that I go with a less destructive chocolate creation in the future or maybe it was the "crack" in the title (since that propels it straight to the top of my "love" list - and I mean that figuratively, as in "so good it's addictive like crack" not as in.....oh, never mind, you get it) that attracted me to this sweet-n-salty chocolatey delight. This easy-even-for-me recipe is from Julie at Joy's Hope. Julie's blog is about so much more than recipes and even though I don't know her, I love her. I mean, her tagline is Do something good. Everyday. and you know how much my sunshiny-flowery-bekind-glasshalffull heart swells when I come across phrases like that. But, back to the chocolate..... 

 Toffee Crack

Saltine crackers
1 stick butter
1 c brown sugar
1 bag chocolate chips


Line cookie sheet with crackers. Melt butter in pan, add brown sugar, and stir until slightly caramelized. Pour over crackers and spread evenly. Bake at 350F for 5 minutes. Remove from oven and pour chocolate chips on top. As they melt, spread over the toffee and then place in refrigerator to set. You could break it into bite-size pieces to serve on a plate or you could just shovel it straight into your mouth from the cookie sheet and cut out the middle-man. Don't say I didn't warn you!

I Love My mmmmm...TV

I watch a lot of television. I know - gross, right? I like to consider it research for my Celebrity Stalking obsession, rather than admit that I'm part of the "ass-stuck-to-couch" crowd. In my defense, at least I don't watch Reality TV. And GodBlessAmerica for the invention of DVRs because my old-school VCR would never be able to keep up with my current addiction.

Currently my favorite show is Revenge, because, let's face it, this is my fantasy. On the outside I have this kindness-good-karma-do-unto-others-nicey-McNice persona that really works for me 99.9% of the time. However, suppressed on the inside, wayyyyyy deep down (sometimes not as far down as I would like), I think Carrie Underwood is way too kind.

Me with Trevor Donovan

I also enjoy a good teeny-bopper show. This started when I was teaching 9th graders and Beverly Hills 90210 (the original) was all the rage. I wanted to see what they were talking about and gradually my, "Oh.Ber.Oth.Er." turned into, "I can't believe Donna and David broke up-Valerie is so mean-who will Kelly choose, Dillon or Brandon?" 20+ years later and I still occasionally channel surf to the reruns. So imagine my thrill when they created the new 90210, especially when Kelly, Donna, and Brenda were on the first season! Admittedly, it isn't as good as the original, but all of those beach scenes are filmed in my 'hood, so yeah, back to the stalker thing. My zip code even starts with "902..", plus, I've met hotty Teddy the tennis pro, so basically I'm connected to the show in so many ways, I'm practically a part of it.

Throw in Friday Night Lights, GRΣΣK, Hellcats, Life Unexpected, Melrose Place (old and new), One Tree Hill, The OC, and Veronica Mars and you can see that I've been very busy these past few years nurturing my ass/couch relationship. All good things must come to an end, though, as did these cinematic masterpieces. Thank goodness I still have Gossip Girl and Glee to keep me firmly attached to the couch. Can I just tell you that I am INLOVE with Mr. Schue? And then, just when I've barely finished basking in the glow of his sexy Jagger moves, along comes Ricky Martin, who I fell in love with as Miguel on General Hospital almost 20 years ago. Seriously, watch these beautiful biceps and shiny white teeth and then just try to pry me off my couch!

Foodie Friday: Pizza Dip

With the help of my newest addiction - Pinterest - I'm going to add a new segment to my blog repertoire: Recipes That Look Fantastic, But I'll Never Cook Them Because I Don't Cook.

This one is from Kevin Lynch at Closet Cooking: Cooking in a Closet Sized Kitchen. I don't know Kevin, but I do know that I love men who cook. And pizza. And dips.

Pizza Dip

4 oz cream cheese, room temp
1/4 c sour cream
1/4 c mayonnaise
1 c mozzarella, shredded/grated, divided in half
1/2 c parmesan, grated, divided in half
1 c pizza sauce
2 oz pepperoni, sliced
2 T green peppers, sliced
2 T black olives, sliced
(Actually, you can use any of your favorite pizza toppings.)

Mix the cream cheese, sour cream, mayonnaise, half of the mozzarella and half of the parmesan, and spread it across the bottom of a pie plate. Spread the pizza sauce on top and sprinkle on the remaining cheeses, pepperoni, green peppers, and olives. Bake in a preheated 350F oven until the cheese is melted, bubbling, and golden brown (about 20 minutes). Serve with baguette slices because they make the perfect beds for large spoonfuls of this pizza delight.

If you make this, report back and let us know how it turned out. I'm only allowed supervised visits to our kitchen, due to a few minor burning incidents that may or may not have created some smoke, so it may be a while before I get to it. I'll have to settle for gazing longingly at the recipe.