Hack My Life

Remember when Life Hacks first became a thing and some of them were kinda cool? For example, using binder clips to hold together loose cords - that makes sense and I do it all the time and it's quite helpful. I use binder clips for almost everything, including hair barrettes in a pinch, so I am a bit biased. Also, I totally get this sock/toe trick. Back in the day when I wore pantyhose to work, if I got a run in the middle of the day, I would use a marker to paint my leg so it would blend in. (Because, no, ladies did not go pantyhose-less back in the day - why yes, I am old.)

However, the more hacks/tips/tricks I see these days, the more I wonder how some people function on a daily basis. No, that is not to say that I am above pulling some pretty dumb stunts (e.g., painting carpet - a story for another day) and thinking they were great ideas at the time, but I draw the line at suggesting these ideas to anyone else. Or even admitting to most of them. But seriously, most of the "advice" I discover lately does not fall under the category of "brilliant new tips that will make your life SO much easier" as much as it does "common sense for anyone not born yesterday".

For example, tie a bright ribbon on your suitcase so you can quickly identify it on the baggage carousel. Yup. Or, paint your keys with nail polish (or markers, etc.) to tell them apart. Um, duh.

 

Up until today I would have said that this next one is my favorite "tip" of all time:

When showering, you have to actually wash your feet because the excess soap that runs down your body won't get them clean.

I kid you not, someone actually had to put this concept into words. It still makes me laugh every morning when I'm showering and washing my tootsies and thinking, whew, I'm glad someone told me to do this! Who knew?!

However, today I discovered the BEST. MOST RIDICULOUS. HACK. EVER. and I'm not sure anything will ever top it. I have no words, so I'll let the picture speak for itself.

Why?! Just, why?!

Foodie Friday: Halloween Fingers

With the holidays upon us, I feel compelled to share a Halloween cooking story of yore. Martha Stewart-inspired, of course.

One October night, Carrie ITC and I were either watching a Martha Stewart show or reading her magazine or surfing the interwebs or something and came across this:



Naturally, we decided that we needed to make it AT THAT VERY MOMENT. We studied the recipe and discovered that Martha wanted us to make the sugar cookies from scratch, like go out and harvest the sugar cane at the Bay of Bengal (look it up; it's a thing), whip, puree, sift, roll - all those cooking things. Ain't nobody got time for that! We decided to sub in the pre-made Pillsbury sugar cookie dough, which may or may not have been a perfectly logical substitution. You be the judge:

Since I'm older and wiser now, I'm going to attempt something a little easier this time, while still keeping with the fingers theme. Thank you, Annabel Karmel at Parenting magazine for providing us with a Martha Stewart for Dummies version.

Dead Man's Finger Sandwiches

• Thin sliced white bread, crusts removed
• Peanut butter
• Almonds
• Strawberry Jam

1. Gently flatten the slices of bread with a rolling pin to make them more pliable.
2. Spread with a little peanut butter.
3. Roll up the sandwiches and make three indentations with a blunt knife to form the finger joints.
4. Trim the ends of the fingers into a 'V' shape and stick an almond on to each tip (with a little peanut butter as "glue") to form the nails.
5. Add a blob of strawberry jam over the end of the finger for the blood.

Voilà! Finger-lickin' good PB&Js!

One of the commenters on the Parenting site suggested using thin wafer chicken and cranberry jelly, which sounds good, too. Actually, you could probably roll up lots of different things inside (chopped up hot dogs?) and add a blob of red anything (ketchup?) and get the same effect. But hurry! There's a short window on bloody finger food - no one wants to see this on the Thanksgiving table!