Friday, April 18, 2008

Drive on. We'll sweep up the blood later!***

In trying to keep up with my celebutante pals in Hollywood, I’ve been driving illegally in California for a few years now. While I haven’t totally embraced their criminal ways since I do have an old Florida DL, I have been driving without a CA DL or CA tags for much longer than the law allows. I always had an excuse: I need a haircut, I need to lose weight, I need to study for the test, I don’t want to get rid of my Florida Gators tag, and my personal favorite, I’ll just drive carefully and won’t get pulled over. Now anyone who has ever set foot in a car with me knows what a stretch that is. Fortunately, my luck has held out. Although deep down inside I know that obeying the law should have been my motivation all along, the real motivator was my name change. I decided that after being divorced for 15 years, and now remarried, I should maybe get around to changing my names on all my documents so they all match. Besides, I hear they insist upon that when traveling and I’m thinking China isn’t a very lenient country. Bottom of today I am finally legal to drive in my home state! ’Bout time, huh? No one can ever accuse me of rushing into something.

And – bonus – I only missed 2 questions on the test. How am I supposed to know which type of roadway is most likely to hide spots of ice on freezing, wet days? Ice? On a roadway? What’s that all about?

***A Katharine Hepburn quote. (Maybe Brit should take a page from Kate’s book.)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Rock On!

You know how I love stalking my celebrities. Well, we went to a Jackie Greene concert Sunday night and I got pictures AND autographs. Oh, and the concert was great too. The Husband is a musician so he drags me to all kinds of concerts (and I do mean “drags” sometimes) and every once in a while he picks a winner. This one was in a small venue and we got to stand about 10 feet away from the stage and then got to meet Jackie afterward and it was a wonderful celeb-stalking experience! Hopefully he’ll get more famous and it’ll be like saying “oh yeah, I met Mick Jagger once.”

Friday, April 11, 2008


We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this Public Service Announcement:

I gave blood the other day, which, in itself, is not news because I give blood pretty regularly. I’m O-negative, the Universal Donor, so everybody wants me. I’m the one in the ER, the trauma units, the ambulances, etc. Now, I brag about this as if I chose to be O-negative, but let me be clear – I did not choose this lifestyle; I was born this way. While I was at the bloodmobile, I learned that blood donations in California are lower than any other state in the US! They even suggested that I make some O-negative friends (since O-negs can only receive from other O-negs and we’re only 6% of the population) and they actually have social events for their donors to get to know each other. Fortunately, the Husband is O-neg (after all, we do live on the Left Coast where same-blood-type marriage is accepted), but unfortunately due to his frolicking with mad cows in Europe in the '80s, he's an unacceptable donor. However, I started thinking that I probably have some O-neg friends who don’t act O-neg, so I can’t really tell. So I think it’s time for all of us to come out of the closet – loud and proud. No more of this “don’t ask, don’t tell” mentality. It’s time for change, America! Get out there and donate!

Seriously, contact the Red Cross to find a local blood drive and go stick out your arm. Oh, and by the way, if you’re O-neg, let me know. I like candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, and surviving a medical emergency.

Sunday, April 6, 2008


We went whale-watching Saturday, which actually should’ve been called dolphin-watching since we didn’t see any whales. Last year I went twice and saw several on one trip, and none on another, so I’m getting used to their agoraphobia. It’s kinda like stalking George Clooney or Johnny Depp (not that I would EVER do something like that, nope, not me) – you hardly ever see them out, but when you do it’s a beautiful thing. Now dolphins, on the other hand, are kinda like the Paris-Lindsey-Britney club (except WAY smarter) – always the center of attention. They play with the boat and jump around and do tricks just like at Sea World. It makes me think that Sea World trainers don’t really have such a hard job after all. Plus, real whales make Shamu look like a wimpy little girly-man whale. (Note the Shamu vs. Real Whale plagiarized picture - see what I mean - it's no contest!)

Looks like I’ll have to wait until next year/season to continue my quest for the perfect whale sighting. Just call me Ishmael.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Baby, It's Cold Outside

As I was whining about the frigid winter here in California, my friend from one of the Dakotas mentioned that they had 8 inches of snow Sunday night. Now I feel like an ingrate. Of course that won’t stop me from complaining about the weather because I’m convinced I have that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. I read it on WebMD so that practically makes me a doctor. Plus, I just love to obsess about weather, which practically makes me a grouchy old man from Boca Raton.

In addition to hating all things cold, I have a very limited snow background. The first time I ever saw it I was confused because it came wafting down as little floaty things and I thought snow came down in balls like on the cartoons. Seriously – I had no idea. I’m embarrassed to say I was in my 30s when I made this discovery. A few years later I saw it on the ground for the first time and it was so beautiful that I promptly went running through the snow mounds in my jeans and sneakers. About 2.5 seconds later I couldn’t figure out why I was soaking wet and freezing cold. Snow…ice…water.....ohhhhh, now I get it.

So I decided it was time to conquer my snow-ignorance and went to Lake Tahoe back in February for a long weekend. I even broke down and bought waterproof clothes this time. However, within minutes of arriving I stuck my hand in the snow without gloves to make a snowball. Ya know that feeling when you’re at a picnic and reach for a canned drink in a giant garbage can or tub filled with ice? And I didn’t even get a nice cold beer for my pain – only the “I told you so” background music. My next discovery was that I couldn’t walk. I would either sink in and tip over, or slide on ice patches and end up on my butt and then slide some more. I should’ve been getting paid as the live entertainment because I had quite an audience by the end of the day. However, my greatest discovery was that making a snowman is hard work! And, it’s not like corncob pipes and button noses are plentiful, so none of mine looked like Frosty.

For my Dakota friend (who’s actually looking forward to going to Denver next week because it’s supposed to be “warmer”), I just want you to know I re-experienced my snow adventure so I could feel your pain. And I promise not to complain about California weather for at least another 8 months.

Discovery #1 - Gloves are good

Discovery #2 - Can't walk

Snowman #1

Snowman #2

Snowman #3 (Notice how they're getting smaller and smaller)

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

Thank goodness March is over! I HATE COLD WEATHER!!!!! And despite what everyone thinks, California is COLD January through March. Usually on the weekends when you want to do something, of course. We have sporadic beautiful-ness during the work week.

By the way, did you know that the lion/lamb phrase has to do with constellations as well as the harsh/mild weather metaphor? Something about Leo the Lion and Aries the Ram and when they’re visible during the month. Who knew? Oh wait - who cares?

Highlights of the month:

  • Saw my first and last opera – L'Elisir d'Amore. Let’s just say needles-eyeballs-poking action and leave it at that.
  • Experienced a No Country for Old Men-esque roadtrip as we drove out to Death Valley one weekend. Stopped at a ghost town along the way and discovered that Charles Manson buried some bodies nearby. Did not investigate further. Did not run into Javier Bardem.
  • Saw Academy of St. Martin-in-the-Fields and Sir Neville Marriner came out of retirement to conduct, which was an unexpected surprise. They were fab-u-lous, as always. (In my fantasy-in-my-head life, I’m a musician in a symphony; sometimes I’m even the conductor.)
  • Saw Sweeney Todd (the play), but still haven’t seen the movie. I hope Johnny isn’t mad at me for cheating on him with live theater.
  • Relived my color guard director days and dragged my husband to the WGI West Power Regional Finals. Now, talk about wanting to insert a needle…..poor guy. I loved it and even had an “I miss teaching high school” moment. It passed, thankfully.
  • Ignored March Madness for the first time ever. I’m hoping for UCLA to take it all since the Gators snatched the title from them the past two years in a row, but I won’t watch until the last minute. Just. Don’t. Care. However, I do care about the tournament of losers this year because UF might end up playing Ohio State, and you know how that tends to end up. Fingers crossed.

So out with the beasts and in with the fools. Happy April, thank goodness.