Color Me Dirty

If you're not familiar with Color Runs, you need to find one in your city and sign up RIGHT NOW. It's so much fun and such a great excuse to get filthy dirty with wild abandon, plus you usually get a medal, which is my #1 motivation when it comes to exercise. Here's how it works...

It's basically a 5K race, but there are stops along the route with color stations where they throw out colored chalk and we become engulfed in a blizzard of neon. Word of warning: Stop laughing and close your mouth! I say this every year, but still manage to enjoy a few swallows of tasty dust and end up with pink and green teeth.

 

The first one we did was at night, so in between the color stations they had black-light stations so we could dance around like teenagers at a rave. We totally fit right in with all the cool kids. 



The past couple of years we've done the ones during the day and instead of having black-light rave stations, they have a giant mosh pit at the end. And because we never get dirty enough on the course, we always dance around in the pit for another hour or so. With unicorns, of course. Not only do they continue to bombard us with enough chalk to supply a 1980s school district, but they throw out individual packets so we can dump it on ourselves. And we do - by the bucket-load. Remember what it was like to be a kid and totally romp around in the mud or sand and get filthy dirty for no reason? That's exactly what this feels like.

But, wait, how do you get home without getting all that mess in your car? Ya know, it's not like we can just hop on our bikes and pedal home...we have fancy sports cars and mini-vans that we pedal home nowadays. Simple - you get a blow-job (and no, I did not make up that description or even think of it by myself, but it's so perfect that I'm stealing it). There are people with leaf blowers to blow you clean, which is actually quite hilarious because it really works.

I definitely recommend stripping down the minute you get home and walking straight into the shower. This is one of those times when that wash-rinse-repeat thing needs to be repeated several thousand times. Then, bundle up your clothes and wash them immediately - it really does all wash out, believe it or not. However, even with all that, you may find color in the oddest places for the next few days. Do not be alarmed.