Yay, Jury Duty! I know most people say, "Ugh, Jury Duty", but not me. At least not me last week. I was super happy about it on so many levels, the first of which being that I didn't have to go to work. The next, and most obvious reason is because I watch a LOT of Law and Order, so I know exactly how the court system works. It's practically the same as going to law school. In fact, I was really looking forward to bursting out with an "I object" or "Sidebar, Your Honor".....yeahhhhh, but it doesn't work like that. In fact, now I know why "Ugh, Jury Duty" is the more common thought process.
First of all, it might have been the L-O-N-G-E-S-T day EVER. I know, I know, everyone warned me. But the thing is, I couldn't wait to be able to sit around with nothing to do. I'd read a little, catch up on some writing, play mindless games on my phone. It sounded glorious. In theory. In reality, I got there at 7:30, which is exactly 2 hours before I start my normal work day, so after an hour, my body clock was saying, "okay, time for your standup meeting, which is super boring, but at least you get to chit-chat with people" and the real clock in the room was saying, "settle down, it's barely 8:30 and we haven't even started calling names yet." Then, at 9, they gave us a 45 minute break! And we hadn't done anything yet! Sometimes, in these types of situations, the voice in my head (relax, it's just mine) starts to chant things that I really want to come true at that moment. For example, when someone boring is talking to me at work, I chant "pleasestoptalkingpleasestoptalkingpleasestoptalking" in my head and even though it doesn't work, it makes me less likely to commit a crime. Obviously, my chants of "pleasefortheloveofallthingsholycanwegetthisshowontheroad" were not working. By the time they let us break for lunch at 11:30, I thought we had been there for a week already. And speaking of lunch, an hour and 45 minutes? Good grief, who needs that long to eat in the middle of the day? I was pretty sure I'd leave that building and find out that 2018 started without me.
Finally, around 2ish, just as they were about to let us go and just as I was starting to plan my free afternoon, they called one last list of names. And guess what? The show finally got on the road. A very slooooowwwww, long, and boring road. And then, just like that, after a mere two hours of questioning, I officially became Juror #8.
The first thing the judge said to us when we herded into the courtroom was that this experience would not be like Law and Order. I really thought "I object" would spontaneously blurt out of my mouth at that very moment. He went on to say that if anyone did half of what my dear Benson and Stabler crew did, they'd actually be on the other side of the court experience. Lalalalala I'm not listening to you, blasphemer! Just you wait and see.....this is going to be an adventure worthy of Dick Wolf. Stay tuned!