Christmas in the Park 5: Drink Up!

One of my favorite Christmas stories of all time is Move Over, Santa - Ruby's Doin' Christmas! by Ruby Ann Boxcar. Sorry Rudolph, Scrooge, Ralphie, and George Bailey...Ruby and her pals at the trailer park are far more entertaining. Since I haven't had an original thought in months, and since I lovelovelove this book and re-read it every December, I thought I'd just go ahead and plagiarize some excerpts to share with you for the holiday season. Ruby, don't sue me; just consider this free advertising. Seriously, you guys need to run right over (and by "run", I mean "click") to Amazon and buy this book. Funniest. Book. Ever.


This fifth selection comes from the chapter, The First Day of Christmas - Christmas Cheer.

I've always been the first to say that my sister put the "Ho" in "Ho-Ho-Ho." It's true! When it comes to holiday cheer my sister beats the drum, crushes the ice, and shakes the shaker. And bein' the drunk that she is, I can't think of anyone better to turn to when it comes to Christmas drinks. I'm not one to brag, especially when it comes to my sister, but Donna Sue is so skilled in the art of mixology that she can mix a cocktail with her eyes closed. Bein' the good Baptist that I am, I sometimes wish I had that skill, 'cause my curtains don't close all the way in the livin' room, and I ain't got a light in my hall closet. Anyways, Donna Sue is to the world of drinks what I am to the world of food, advice, and entertainment. That's right, she's an expert.

So without further ado, here are some drinks that will definitely put the "Merry" in your "Christmas."

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
A couple of these and you'll know why his nose glows.

1 1/4 oz light rum
1 1/2 oz lemon juice
1/2 oz grenadine
Ice cubes
Hawaiian Punch
Lemon wedge for garnish

Mix the light rum, lemon juice, grenadine, and ice in a shaker. Pour over ice in a collins glass. Top off with Hawaiian Punch. Add lemon wedge and serve.

Orange Eggnog Float
I wouldn't be surprised if Bing didn't come back for a little glass of this on a White Christmas night.

4 eggs
6 T sugar
5 1/2 c orange juice, chilled
1/2 c lemon juice
1 qt vanilla ice cream
1 qt ginger ale, chilled

In a large bowl, beat your eggs and sugar until they're light. Add your juices and stir well. Gently pour this in a punch bowl. Scoop out small portions of ice cream and place 'em in the punch bowl as well. Slowly pour your ginger ale along the sides of the punch bowl so not to waste the carbonation. Stir gently. Serve in punch cups. Makes about 30 servings.

Editors note: I would definitely add some rum or vodka to this concoction. I mean, if you're gonna consume all these calories anyway, it may as well have a little kick to it. I'm just sayin'.