Move Over, Marlo

In between my moments of "It's All About Me" I have moments of altruism. My biggest contribution to society lately is playing the role of "That Girl"...no, not of the cutesy Marlo-Thomas-kite-flying sitcom of the 60s. My role is much more important to society. No doubt you've all encountered me at some point and you're welcome.

• I've gained 10 lbs during the holidays, but at least I'm not as fat as That Girl.
• I'm having trouble following along in this exercise/dance/pilates/yoga class, but at least I'm not as uncoordinated as That Girl.
• I can only lift a 3-lb weight, but at least I can lift more than That Girl.
• I finished near the end of this 5K race, but at least I beat That Girl.
• I may be dressed like People of Walmart today, but at least I don't look as bad as That Girl. 

However, as much as I enjoy my service to humanity, I may have to cut back on this particular random act of kindness. Visions of Bonnie Grape and Momma Boone have been dancing through my head lately, and trust me, it's not like sugarplums at all. Although sugarplum visions are what got me into this predicament in the first place (along with the 4 food groups - pizza, beer, chocolate, salt), so I guess we've come full circle.

Look away...I'm hideous. Click to enlarge, if you must.

Plus, I'm pretty sure all my neighbors will be mad at me when they have to tear down the building just to remove me. So even though I hate Satan's Gym, I will schlep on. And of course I will continue to bitch and moan about it. Hey - maybe I can re-create myself as "Before Picture".